just as I'm about to let go, something happens and there is hope yet again. isn't this how it always works?

bertuccis is going amazing =) I'm really happy that I got the job there. although I would love to be able to work more... but I guess crack addicts need more money than anyone else there that have children or loans or cars to pay for...

I just joined a select few with google+ ... it's pretty cool. It's a big mix of facebook and twitter combined. I don't know if it will pick up etc, but I sure hope so! It's pretty cool!
Plus, it automatically had this blog and my youtube account linked to it, so I don't have to think about either typing in the url or clicking on the tabs to get here, it's just up on the side like a constant reminder that I really should be writing everything out everyday.

I love writing, and I don't know why I don't do it more often. I want to say that I don't have time but that's really just a cop out because I am always making time to just play around on my phone or something. so why not take a few minutes and just write about my day?

like yesterday where I attempted to do lots of errands and whatnot. I did do some stuff making it a productive day. but I didn't do nearly as much as I wrote out to do. but as always I made that list and now i have no idea where it is. maybe that's my first problem.. not knowing where the list is of things that I need to do.. therefore I don't remember and I don't do the things that I really need to do. lol po
 I guess slowly things are getting checked off... I checked my credit report about twenty minutes ago. It's gone up about 80-90 points!! on one of the reports (since I got all three) it said I was most likely able to be approved for a credit card!! I'm making moves! still not where I want or need it to be, but perhaps if I keep working on it within the next two months, It will go up even more and I could get a credit card or a loan or something and pay off school then go back in the fall.

i discovered the other night when I was figuring out my finances that I'm not going to have enough money to go back to school in the fall which is just a big pain in my ass. I fucking hate it so much and I hate that I have to deal with this shit every fucking year. you can obviously tell how angry I get about this stuff!

i dont know why i write "you" like there is actually someone on the other side of this or anything but whatever.

im still in love with britt and wish i could hold her and make everything in her world better.
I'm going to tell jess that I'm sorry about everything that I did. I think we have finally worked through everything enough to just be there for eachother, without having to sleep with each other like her crazy ex bitch face cunt thinks. ugh she is SO ridicccccc.

wendy has been gone for three weeks now, and she comes back next tuesday. it hasn't been that long I feel that she's been gone, but I've definitely changed my life since she left... with the new job and all. I can't wait to hear her stories... if she even tells them! I feel like she doesn't like talking to me or something. Idk.
I found some letters from her in my car this morning and was reading through them.. they are from last summer.. about how she was trying to get over rosa and everything about how she basically threw me out the window for someone who is terrible etc. and how she likes that I can always make her smile and laugh and stuff. I miss that. I know that what her and I have is very interesting... but I know before she left, we seemed to fight a lot. I don't like fighting with her, let alone anyone. I need to work on that with her. even if it's just to not fight with a friend.

i went to the owl city concert... it was amazingggggggggg.

I need to let go, I think I'm going to. But damn, I don't want to. It's already so hard. I don't think I can live without you... but I guess I'm going to have to. UGHHH. </3

So I just used baking soda to brush/clean my teeth and I swear they are already whiter from just one cleaning...

SO today was yet another really super busy day. Thankfully I didnt have to go to ryans this morning, but I really dont think it would have been an issue. Although I did stay in Waltham last night... I went to camp training for an hour, then I went to waitress, then I went back to guard the pool. Thankfully there was a thunderstorm so the pool was closed after an hour and a half of being there! It was quite scary, as I am always scared of thunderstorms!

While waitressing, I was asked what I was doing tomorrow night, then invited to go out for Judys birthday. She got an escalade and we are taking it down to Providence to go to a strip club... THIS shall be interesting. I have never been to one before, as, like thunderstorms, I'm quite scared. I don't think I have much to be scared about, but it's still a new thing. I have a meeting tomorrow night but I'm going to try and get out as early as I can. Hopefully it won't be too much of a problem. Ill just say that I have work early in the morning... I am working Saturday though. For my friend at her pool from 10-7. 14 bucks an hour, and then some since I'm doing this last minute and he's super appreciative (the boss). I'm pretty excited for that.

SO making it short since I've already told three people this story cause it's amazing... we were discussing clothing options at work for this club adventure for Judys birthday anddd basically she and chris now know that I'm gay. lol. I was saying that I'd wear a shirt without buttons (a button down open ) and she said "wait you do know that I'm... nevermind" and I said "yes i do, do you know that I am too?" and that really caught her off guard. and chris of course too. needless to say even though she was confused and left, she came back and asked and I told her and chris. She said that I made her job a lot harder now... because I'm attractive and we work with her girlfriend. mwhaha. jk.

Tomorrow night shall be interesting...

I'm going to be initiating two rainbow girls into ES. I'm nervous, especially since I'm still in the middle of learning the ritual. I was going to learn the rest of it last night at work but I left my book at home, so here I sit, watching a movie, and not learning my ritual. I'm such a procrastinator. I seriously wait until the very last moment to do something. I sit here tonight not learning it because I know I have "all day tomorrow" which is not really all day. Just until about 330. Then I go to ryans, the meeting and out for the evening.

I have so many people to call for things such as the doctors bill I shouldn't have to pay for, my school ish. I should probably go to bank of america tomorrow to blow the place up. jk i wouldn't ever do that. But I'm very angry that I went there to close my account, and all the lady did was take the two accounts off-line. WTF is with people these days?!

ok I'm going to go learn... or something.

so this evening I witnessed one cat throw up, and walk away, while my cat michael played with a bug on the other side of the screen. He continued playing with it, until he moved directly over the throw up pile, and without knowing, he sat right on top of it. A few seconds later after realizing what had just happened, he slowly raised his bottom, and looked underneath him, as to say "did I just do that?" He raised his bum up all the way, and backed up a little and preceeded to try and cover up "his mess"...mind you he was just standing on a rug, with nothing to cover this up with. He started to walk away seeming confused, and shaking his back legs off to try and get the wet mess off himself.

Mind you, this entire time I was watching this and hysterically laughing silently and crying/holding my stomach because it hurt so bad from laughing. This is what I do for fun at home... Oh and paint my moms nails because she likes my painting better than the professionals at the nail salon =)

I'm going to attempt to read through some ritual before bed. I have initiation Friday night, and I have barely looked at it. Not my usual... well maybe it is. I always seem to pull it off though. I really should just be going to bed now since I have to be up in 7 hours, and won't be able to sleep till about 11 tomorrow night. I love working but I hate being so tired all the time!

I was supposed to be going to Anda's to ride bikes tomorrow... two things are wrong with that. 1) Its going to be (hopefully) realllly hott out tomorrow, I guess too hot to ride bikes... 2) I don't have a bike to bring over. I guess the one that my brother fixed had something break again =( So I'm not sure what we will do tomorrow but I'm bringing my bathing suit in the chance we can go outside and tan or something on the lawn because I don't really have 2 bucks to use the pool area.... Although if I can come up with it, it might be worth it tomorrow.

we will see.

There are so many things that I should be doing other than farming right now AHH. Just little things like watching the real l word, the bachelorette, getting the mail (when he comes back to my house, instead of across the street) I want to go for a run. I should get my clothes that I had to hand wash out of the dryer and put the towels in there.

ahh I feel like a little kid right now. Im talking to Catherine Marie Martino right now... ahh i miss her!!! She looks amazing and happy and Im jealous ahh lolll. there are no words.

just like there are no words for the Stanley Cup win.... that game last night was amazing! I would have never guessed the B's would score 8 friggen points!!! ahh so good. lets just hope that they can keep it up tomorrow night!! I will be at work again during the game, so maybe I can catch the end of it when I get home from work. I'm going to shut the womens steam room off early and let the guy shut the guys off mwhaha. or maybe I'll just see if he normally does the womens too once they all leave. hmm.. decisions....

I'm going to get something in my tummy and run prob. even though I really dont have the motivation to.. other than the fact that I want to lose more weight/be more in shape. ahh i gtg now or im never going to go hehe

um first of all, Seed of Chucky is next... NOT OK.

I had such a tired night tonight! All I did today was work the pool deck (haha) for a few hours but somehow I was just sooo tired.

Tomorrow I am going to finish watching the Real L Word, as well as the Bachelorette!! I really wish that wasn't a show that Britt watched with her... I really need to get over her or something. I'm just so miserable. I hate it. I hate not being able to be with her. I hate so much. It all just makes me cry. I hate having down time because I just constantly think about it all. Ugh.

Farming... I want it to take over my life so I can have mindless hours of clicking to get me through my day... NOT.

It's a really nice day and I can't decide if I want to go outside now to catch some rays or if I should watch the premier of The Real L Word!!! I totally forgot that it started this weekend, so when I was going through the DVR recordings, I got really excited. My parents didn't really get why... so that was a little awkward to explain haha!

I just have work tonight... that means I will be learning my ritual for Friday night!! I am having two girls join OES and I acutually get to walk around with them!! Super exciting! I really need to learn that ritual though!

I signed up for a LOT of free things to be delivered to my house through freebieshark.com. I hope I wont be terrorist attacked now that all these things have my address and whatnot! My friends have done it and they are still alive, so I think I'll be okay.

Apparently my grandmother gave my mother shit for not being invited to my graduation last week... I'm sorry, but would you really come out all the way from Wareham for a 7pm graduation!? NO! Plus, it got out at 1045.... I guess when my mother said this to her, she basically didn't believe it. Oh well. She doesn't take the time to ask ME the one who graduated why I didn't invite my grandparents... Lets see.. I went to my two friends graduations with their parents, so I asked them if they wanted to come to mine with my parents, so thats 4 plus my brother, although my brother decided he didn't want to go, so I gave that ticket to Wendy... and then last second my two friends decided they weren't going to to. OH WELL. ughh.

new job!

SO I suck at keeping up with a blog or anything like it but oh well. idc. =)

I started a new job at Bertuccis this past week... I finished my training on Friday and I took the last two tests today before I was given few tables. I did really well for my first shift at a new job. I didn't have any really serious orders to take or anything like that, and I didn't seem to mess anything up either! Two of my friends came in for dinner and requested to sit in my section. =) That was really a confidence booster! hehe. I think thier order was the most difficult too, which it had every right to be since they were quizzing me beforehand haha. I kept up with the orders and bringing out the food and properly delivering the soups and salads etc. I basically am just always going to ask if they would like salad or soup on the side of their meals cause pretty much, at lunch it comes with salads anyways, and the sandwhichs come with soup. and then at dinner there are a few entrees that come with soup or salad, so if I ask for everything, I either cover the included side order, or I upsell and make more money hehe.

There's this one girl so far that is the bitch apparently. I shouldn't say apparently anymore since I experienced it first hand butttt yeah. I was told by one gabber who was like, "hmmm how should I say this nicely? I don't want to be rude to you". I forced her to just tell me and she just said that this one girl seems to be a bitch to new people slash everyone and she often signs off on side work and stuff, so just make sure that I know what I'm doing. Thankfully she wasn't the person in charge tonight, buttt... all night I had been filling up the ice bin for drinks since it kept running out, and it's not like I saw anyone else do it... that's just who I am. Anywho... it was 8pm and I put one more thing of ice in because there was legitamately maybe 4 ice cubes and so I put only one bucket in which doesn't even fill it one fourth, and I go to ring in an order and she gives me the biggest attitude saying not to fill the ice because thats her job and im just making it harder on her at the end of the night... woopdie fuckin do. stfu. you'reuglykthanksbye.

my feet hurt but I took some ibuprofin and a beer haha. now im on farmville. mwhahah.

wendy left for PR this morning...its weird not having her around. it hasn't really set in yet. She is supposed to call me back.... its almost midnight. I dont know when she is planning on calling me but whatevss.

tomorrow I just have to work at 6 till close at the pool, tuesday I have off, wednesday I'm workingg 2 to close, thursday im working with ryan at 615, then bsc 10 to 1120, then berts 1130 to 3 then bsc 3 to 6..... thank GOD I'm working right next to everything!! I think after ryan Im going to go and sleep a little. perhaps I'll go to wendys and sleep so I wont be late and have to drive through so much traffic!

so yes, busy busy. I'm going to try and keep up with this since its not like I have anyone to vent to or anything... I really hate being by myself. =(
I Miss britt like its my job. I try and stay strong and not bother her and pour my heart out because i feel pathetic, but she says she doesn't mind, but I don't know if that's just pushing her away blahhhhhhh.

farmville time...